My 18th Birthday
I remember the day well, September 13, 1993. It was my 18th birthday. I had just started college two weeks prior. I lived by myself in a beautiful, furnished, studio apartment in a bed and breakfast three miles from my school. I hadn’t been feeling well ever since I moved in. I would wake up throughout the night and run to the bathroom to throw up. I woke up every morning nauseous and it continued through my day. I had lost almost 10 pounds in the two weeks since school had started. Deep down I knew why. I was so afraid. I was ashamed. How would I tell my family? My boyfriend? My friends? I kind of wished I could just disappear, leaving behind a note saying that I loved them and would miss everyone but that I decided to go on an adventure and I wouldn’t be returning. That way I wouldn’t have to face everyone and deal with the consequences of my “mistake.”
I decided to drive up the road to CVS and buy a pregnancy test. Sitting on the floor of that tiny bathroom, on my 18th birthday, I saw the dark “+” immediately appear. Tears streamed down my face. What would I do now??? My mom had just spent all of her savings to get my piece of junk car to pass inspection. I had used my savings to put the security deposit down on my apartment and first three months’ rent. I had just figured out all my financial aid for school and had used my scholarship money to buy all of my books. Besides the few hundred dollars I had hid in my drawer, I was broke. I was hoping and planning to get a local waitressing job as soon as possible. Again, what would I do now? My options were pretty bleak. My Mom had had a very rough five years. Our stepfather had a stroke and had been in a coma ever since. She had been working fulltime, raising my sisters and I as a single parent and driving back and forth the almost 80 minute drive to the nursing home he was at for five years. In that same time, she had been injured at work and had become addicted to pain and sleeping medications. I really had no desire to add to her burdens.
In the weeks and months that followed my 18th birthday the word “abortion,” was mentioned to me many times, by family, by friends, and by EVERY doctor I saw! “You are young, you have the world ahead of you, you can always try again when you’re older and ready.” Even at 18, abortion seemed wrong to me. It was ending a life. Regardless of the reasons why, it was ending a life. I found myself feeling unsure, maybe they’re right? I have absolutely nothing to offer this baby. Was I putting an unnecessary burden on this child by allowing him to be born? Abortion would be the easiest option. I had quit school, moved back in with my mom and had gotten a job at the little store in my hometown. Daily I had to see people. My growing belly was like living with a scarlet “A” on my forehead. I tried to work past the shame and embarrassment and find joy in my situation, but it was hard.
One day when I got home from work I opened my bedroom door to find the baby’s crib all decorated with the most adorable crib set. My oldest sister had saved up to buy it and surprise me. It was light blue with stars, moons and little bunnies. She even put up matching wall decorations and a matching mobile. She may not know this, but that day was a turning point for me. It gave me hope! It encouraged me that he WOULD be loved and cared for. That little act of kindness and support was powerful.
The passing of New York’s Reproductive Health Act has literally made me ill. How can such a thing happen in 2019 in the United States of America? How can we as a Country fall so far backwards? I remember learning in U.S. History class about the Civil Rights Movements. Two separate decade-long movements of passing and enforcing laws to ensure equal rights to African Americans. We were taught about our country’s dark past of ignorance, intolerance and lack of understanding the value of life and that all lives are created equal. We were taught that the U.S. was a work in progress, learning from history and moving forward. There were several Civil Rights Acts of the late 1800’s. You remember the Civil Rights Act of 1866, it abolished slavery! It would then be 82 years before another Civil Rights Act would be signed, the Civil Rights Act 1957. Followed by the Civil Rights Act of 1960, 1964, 1968, and again in 1991. In 1990 the Americans with Disabilities Act was signed, “The ADA is the most sweeping disability rights legislation in history.” Can you imagine that we would have to sign into law a civil right stating you cannot discriminate based on a person’s skin tone or based on their disabilities? I am thankful we did or else my youngest son’s future would look much different.
Many of the articles I have read that try and justify the need for late term abortion point out that it would most likely be used to terminate a child with known disabilities. What? I thought we worked on that ignorance in 1990 with the Americans Disabilities Act!
I think about the day my first son was born. My doctor sitting in front of me telling me he was so sorry he hadn’t noticed it on the ultrasounds. Doctors and nurses in and out of my room, so many words muffled in my ears, “emergency, live, 10% chance, feeding tube, bloodwork, cleft palate, cleft lip, rare syndrome, surgery, survival, normal, medical transport, plastic surgeon, expectancy… Jill, do you hear me? Do you understand what I am saying?” I didn’t really. I just kept thinking don’t cry, smile or else they are going to think you are too young or not capable of caring for your baby. If I had been pregnant with him in 2019 there is a good chance the doctor would have notice his defects in the ultrasounds. I fear as a young, scared, uncertain, teen mom they would have suggested abortion as the wisest and best option. And if it were 2019, in New York State and they noticed it in my 36th week ultrasound, abortion would still be an acceptable option. This new law completely disregards a baby with disabilities as having any value. The only value given comes in how the baby’s mother feels about that baby. Does she say he has value?
Do you see the problem here? For the last 150 years we as a country have been working to rid our society of ignorance. We have attempted to move closer to being a society that lives according to our foundational truths. “We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness—That to secure these Rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the Consent of the Governed, that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these Ends it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its Foundation on such Principles, and organizing its Powers in such Form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.”
New York, you have lost your mind. My oldest son’s life had and still has value not because I say so but because God says so. My youngest son has Down Syndrome and regardless of what Governor Cuomo and the New York Senate think, his life has value. Again, not because I say so but because God says so.
This isn’t about women’s rights. It is about human rights!
“For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.” (Psalms 139:13-14)
I want to encourage my friends and family to continue to stand up for these children – in and out of the womb. Find a way to make a difference and stay committed. We cannot allow this to be normalized. Our children need to be taught and raised to know better. I am absolutely for women’s rights. I am a woman and I am raising two daughters. Their lives are full of choices. They are being raised to be critical thinkers. The choice of who’s life is valuable and who’s is not, is NOT one of their choices. A critical thinker can figure that one out without a doubt.
I used to think about what it must have been like to be a voice for equal rights in the late 1800’s when slavery was being abolished. Would I have been brave enough to be one of the change agents or would I have just gone along with the ignorance of society? Would I have opened my home and family to those that were just freed? What if I was a student or parent during the 1950’s? Would I have stood up for what was right? Would I have had the courage to say, “You have lost your minds! All children are equal! All of their lives are of great value! Of course they can ALL go to the same schools and drink from the same drinking fountains!”
I believe we as a nation are standing in the face of an evil injustice. We as Christians cannot stand by, stay silent, and do nothing. Did you happen to see Oprah Winfrey’s “Shout Your Abortion,” magazine feature from last spring? She is taking her stand! As are many others like her. I want to stand up and “Shout my Adoption!!” Yes, it was a commitment and a family sacrifice but our children are worth it!
Body of Christ, let’s do something together. We have to start with fervent prayer. We need God! Have you ever thought, what if those babies hadn’t been aborted? Just in New York State that is around 85,000 or more babies a year. If they were allowed to live, what would happen to them? Who would care for them? Would their mother get the support she needs to do it? Would they be put up for adoption? Would there be enough people willing to adopt them all? I don’t have the answers. I don’t see a solution without God’s Intervention. He is the answer.
As for me and my family we will serve the Lord! Whoever He puts in our path, by God’s grace, we will love, give of our resources, our home, our time, our money, whatever is needed, one person at a time. We will pray to the Holy One, the One who created us all. We want to encourage you to join us.
“And of some have compassion, making a difference: And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.” (Jude 1:22-23)
“Have ye not known? have ye not heard? hath it not been told you from the beginning? have ye not understood from the foundations of the earth? To whom then will ye liken me, or shall I be equal? saith the Holy One. Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things, that bringeth out their host by number: he calleth them all by names by the greatness of his might, for that he is strong in power; not one faileth.” (Isaiah 40:21, 25-26)
Jill
